skip to Main Content
Sal Jefferies : Primal Cry #02

Sal Jefferies : Primal Cry #02

Hi Sal, thank you for taking the time to chat with me. Can we start

with you telling us a little about your upbringing.

I grew up in Maidstone, Kent. It was a typical 1970s upbringing. There

were no big scary stuff going on. Yet I do remember events around my

school also around my Dad that felt really big. I was never really

comfortable with it [suburban lifestyle] and always felt an outsider, never

fitting in with that traditional life. When I was around 19 I left home and

moved to Nottingham. It was my first experience of a different city and

culture. It was in the midst of the clubbing House scene and I was heavily

into that for a long time both for pleasure and working as a dancer. It was

a world I was really comfortable in. I then moved to London and spent a

few years of hedonism and partying and all the usual stuff that entails.

City life is very different from suburban life and I met a lot of interesting

people.

page1image36886528

You seem to be someone who likes things that are different and

page1image36886720

stimulating. Would you describe yourself as a high energy person?

Yes, very much so.

How was your health at this time?

This was the first time the condition showed itself.

Back in my early teens I developed a digestive condition (later diagnosed

as Ulcerated Crohn’s Disease – UC) at the time I changed school. It was

the first time I was catapulted into a massive difference. I went from a

town school to a village school. I really stood out and so it was difficult.

You are either liked or not.

When I track it back, its is always around a period of transition. Emotional

shift or physical shift. That seems to be how my nervous system

responds. (for an in-depth look at the uniqueness of our personal stress

responses have a listen to this podcast with eminent stress biologist

Did you lifestyle in London effect your UCD?

It seemed to come and go every few years in my teens. My digestion has

always been my weak area. In my early 20s I had digestive surgery for an

appendix and second appendix (appendicteal duplication – who knew!!

Things then settled down until I was 29 when it came back. It coincided

page2image36709568

with me stopping smoking and there are links, I later found out, between

page2image36700544

nicotine/tar suppresses the symptoms of UC. Then went on and off in a

page2image36709376

heavy way throughout my 30s.

How did it effect this stage of your life?

I had shifted from the partying lifestyle of my 20s to a strong business

mode mindset in my 30s. I started a photography business and everything

was all about business 24/7. However, it was really tough to get off the

ground and there was a lot of stress around that. I would get very nervous

before attending shoots. I was in a steady happy relationship so all that

was good there but the stress of the photo shoots, being new to this

career and not yet knowing enough about it, really acerbated the

condition. My fear was about the “failure” aspect; what if I made a mistake

or got it wrong. Ive since discovered through personal development work

that it stemmed from a fear of getting into trouble.

How did you manage the stress?

I was living in Hove and had started getting sciatica. I discovered a local

acupuncture clinic and I thought I would give it a try. I had no

preconceptions, I simply remained open. I happened to mention to the

therapist that I also had UC and they said they could treat that as well. It

was the only thing that dramatically shifted the condition and I embarked

on a course of acupuncture. I found it to be incredibly helpful as well as

dietary management eg cutting out dairy, meat, spices, anything

inflammatory. It helped reduce my stress and fatigue that came with UC.

page2image36864576page2image47268672

What led you to teaching yoga and, now, psychotherapy counselling?

I had always be interested in mind based yoga and philosophy.

Acupuncture got me interested in energy and the flow of energy in the

meridians. In my late 30s I started physical (asana) based yoga and breath

work and started yoga teacher training largely for my own self interest. It

was a surprise when my teaching became full time very quickly without

even intending this to happen. I had qualified as a yoga teacher in 2010

and left my photography career in 2011. In 2012 I started training in

psychology and psychotherapy and my work has moved more in this

direction.

How was your UC over this period?

When I started the teacher training transitioning out of photography I had

a 6 month crash. It seemed to come out of nowhere and I believe it is a

somatic (body) response. Mentally, I feel bulletproof but the body, in this

case the gut, is feeling differently. Stress exacerbates the condition, but it

does not cause it. It could be delayed shock or like shedding a skin when

you move into something new and this causes a physical reaction.

During this period I was getting up, teaching a class, coming home,

sleeping for 6 hours, getting up, teaching another class coming home,

sleeping for 12 hours. That was all I could do. I literally only had enough

energy to do that.

page3image37213056

How did you deal with this in terms of your identification as a health

page3image37213248

and wellbeing teacher?

I’ve never held myself out to be all super calm and drinking green

smoothies. But I would never share that I had UC with my students. I

don’t know whether it’s a male thing; but when you have UC you are

literally the weakest you can be. You’re in pain, you’re embarrassed by

the symptoms and its shameful in a sense. In some ways teaching is an

escape as its about helping others not yourself. I’m at my best when I am

helping others so its a bit of an escape from it. There is a bit of

psychological stuff going on, as in, do I need to share this, it is helpful to

others? I have learnt a lot about vulnerability since then and have changed

a mindset a lot.

Its not about being perfect, but you do [as a yoga teacher] have to be a

certain way. There is also that thing about not spreading your energy

about. If you are having difficulty then sort it out. If you’re going to teach

yoga, then teach yoga; it’s not about you, it’s about the students. They

are there to be taught and I’m the teacher, so I work on my personal

issues myself.

Why do you think we do that?

Complying with what society expects from you. What you expect yourself

to be is often how you turn up. There’s a psychological phenomenon

called the Pygmalion Effect (others expectations of a person affect how

that person performs). As a yoga teacher you need to be congruent (in

agreement) with yourself however you need to park your own issues.

They’re not paying you to talk about your stuff, they are paying you to

teach yoga. So it managing your congruency and your boundaries. Its

difficult. Maybe I didn’t do so well then, but I manage it much better now.

How did you manage this mentally?

It didn’t really effect me mentally as teaching yoga was the one thing I

could do and had a passion for. It allowed me to continue to make an

income whilst dealing with UC which I couldn’t control. If people asked

how I was I wouldn’t like and say I was really good, I would simply say I

was okay. It was a levelling response and put the focus back on them as it

wasn’t about me. However, not being congruent in this way means it takes

longer to heal.

Brene Brown has done a lot of work on this and around men who tend to

think feeling shame is weak.

You don’t want to be seen as weak, whether its psychologically,

emotionally or physically. UC is all about physical weakness although on

the inside you have to be very strong to deal with the symptoms.

So yes its hard as a yoga teacher to admit this stuff however I know lots

of yoga teachers and therapists that have things going on for them but it

does not mean they are not good at what they do. As long as you are

working on your self you are part of the congruent moment going forward.

You’ve experience a recent flare up of UC that led you to being more

open about it. Can you explain what happened and let you to this

change the way you dealt with this condition?

Last year I split up from my partner of almost two decades. It woke me up

to the fact that the future is not fixed and that you don’t know what life

has for you even though you have things planned. Things change that are

out of your control. She had been a strong and stable part of my life and

suddenly it had gone. I had to go through a grieving process that led to

the realisation that life is still good, I’m alive and functioning. It made me

realise that so much stuff does not really matter. So others opinions of me

did not matter so much which leads you to a place of personal peace.

Also the feelings you have about yourself, what you should and shouldn’t

be, don’t matter so much. I think that is what made me have the real shift,

the realisation that sometimes we are not in control. So although at first I

only shared my UC condition with people I trusted, I now didn’t feel I

needed to hide it so about 2 months ago I did a podcast and shared it

openly.

Tell me more about the “shift”?

page4image37108160

All the work I do [with clients] is about freedom from fear and things that

page4image37108352

hold you back so I was going through that process myself. I wanted to

have a visceral sense of what fear felt like, what does loneliness really feel

like, what does confusion feel like? The more those rich, strong feelings

come up the more you are ok with them. That is one of the big shifts that

has come about recently. Being closer to the pain means the pain doesn’t

scare you.

The split was certainly the catalyst for my recent UC episode although it

took 9 months to appear. Maybe it was delayed shock. Who knows. The

body doesn’t work on the same timeline that our heads work on, it can

have a delayed timeline. I was going through a deep sadness for the end

of the relationship. After a relationship of that length, part of your identity

goes with it. But I allowed myself to feel every emotion fully.

page5image37134208

What techniques or practices did you engage to “feel” these

page5image37134784

emotions in your body?

page5image37134976

I got into Crossfit. It’s a highly intense physical training program. Pushing

page5image37135168

your body in ways you did not think you could do was incredibly

page5image37135360

expansive and exactly what I needed.

I would also feel the sensations of the emotion in my body, the tingling the

tightness. I would ask myself what is this sadness, do I want to cry, does

it make my jaw feel heavy? For me it felt like a constant weight, a

heaviness that was being drawn down through me. Also in my heart space

there was an empty hollow ache.

What was the effect of feeling into your emotions in this way?

It [the heaviness] took a couple of months. It wasn’t going to shift in a day.

Its like carrying around a heavy backpack that has all your supplies in it.

You cant leave it behind, you have to carry with with you whilst you go

through the journey. It was not a case of needing to feel better, it was a

case of that I just needed to feel. It allowed the whole experience not to

clear more quickly but to clear more fully. It’s about finding those edges

and moving into them. It was a process of growing and releasing at the

same time and not backing away from it. You have to go through it

otherwise it’s like being on a roundabout and you keep going round and

round in circles. If you don’t process the thought or the feeling you get

stuck in a loop and can keep believing a negative story such as “I’m not

loveable or I’ll be alone”. You have to take a look behind the curtain so see

what it actually going on.

How can people practice this?

The first step is to experience the sensation of it in the body. Then identify

the emotion or feeling. Then to question it e.g. is it real? It think this is the

most effective way of processing pain. Of course yoga and good

psychotherapy will assist this, but you have to do the work and it’s not

easy.

page6image37169280

What made you tell others about your health challenges and do the

page6image37169472

podcast?

The more I talk and interact with people the more I see that everyone is

dealing with something. There are a lot of people that hold me as an

emblem of health and fitness and I wanted to show others that I too am

human. I am as easy to damage as the next person. But maybe I have

more skills now and more awareness to heal more fully and its that

different that can help a lot of people who have yet to develop those skills.

So I thought it is time to share my personal story.

You explain on your podcast that you were going take a back seat in

your career whilst you heal. That’s a big decision and takes a lot of

courage and insight. Where did this come from?

page6image37145984

Learning to feel the intense emotions I was going through grew my

page6image37145600

courage and a sense that it would be ok.

page6image37145792

I took some prescribed medication as I needed to function. Not working

page6image37146368

for a couple of months when you are self employed is expensive.

Also towards the end of the last UC flare-up I broke my wrist. It was a

really bad break and I suddenly things I took for granted became an effort.

Neither could I workout or do any exercise. So with the low energy I was

experiencing with the UC and the wrist break put an extra drain on my

physical as well as my emotional health. This spiralled me into a

depression for about a month. It was a depression related to

circumstance rather than a biochemical (clinical) one. So I was able to

stay with it. I couldn’t make it go away, I had to face it.

Where you ashamed by your depression?

No. I felt broken. When you are broken in yourself you have to heal. You

need time for this. Your body needs time to physically heal. You also need

time to emotionally heal. This is one of the problems I have with the yoga

community that it can be seen as all about feeling good, happy and

healthy all of the time an that simply isn’t how life works. Yoga is about

page7image37040704

grit, about facing challenges and staying present. I feel I have learnt and

page7image37041280

grown a lot from this experience.

And finally some Quick Fire Questions :

What do you do when you are maxing your downtime?

page7image37041856

Walking my dogs. l’m listening to ‘ The Power of Habit’ by James Duhigg

page7image37042048

as I find it easier than carving out time to sit and read.

page7image37042240

What book(s) do you find yourself re-reading or recommending to friends

page7image37042432

most often?

I revisited ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ bu Susan Jeffers. It’s a classic

but the core message is still highly relevant. ‘Autobiography of a yogi’ buy

Paramahansa Yogananda a must read.

If you could have a billboard up in Piccadilly Circus with your personal

message for what you wanted the World to know (yours or a quote you

find inspires you) what would it say or show.

Be present and aware of the present moment – it’s all we really have.

page7image37109760

What is your go-to track(s) that without fail pull you back up and get you

page7image37125312

re-energised

Deep house music

page7image37044416

What have you bought (under £100) in the last 6 months that has had the

page7image37044608

most impact on your health and wellbeing?

Hard rubber ball – I use it to roll out release tight muscles

What’s inspiring you most at the moment?
Existential thinking

What do you think our Community is in most need of right now?

To become emotional aware and resilient
Finally, how can people best connect with you?

Conversation over a coffeepage8image36894976

Thank you Sal, your words have made me think, re-assess and re-direct a lot of beliefs.

Contact Sal at http://saljefferies.com/

 

Georgina Warriner

Through my writing I hope to bring forth in practical ways the knowledge and wisdom of the Earth and return it to its rightful place; the human heart. May you be uplifted, may you find peace, may you connect to the truth of who you are and celebrate your aliveness each day.

Back To Top